Do you have children in your life who:
appear angry or defiant?
exhibit temper tantrums?
do not respond to traditional discipline techniques?
Do you, as a parent:
find yourself yelling all the time?
feel like you're not having any fun with your kids?
feel stressed out or anxious?
There is an approach that can help.
The Nurtured Heart Approach ™ (NHA) created by Howard Glasser, is a method of parenting children with ADHD and others who are highly intestinal or difficult, by transforming the focus of their intensity and energy from one of ongoing opposition, negativity and failure, into one of success and achievement. It's about recognizing and reflecting successes in every moment with your child. The good news is that this approach works with all children – whether they are impulsive, unmotivated, anxious, hyper, shy, feel entitled, etc. By using the methods outlined in the Nurtured Heart, all children flourish!
Traditional parenting methods may work for the average child, but are not designed for the intense child and the harder parent's try to implement these conventional methods, the worse the situation may get. Once the parent removes the computer, phone, TV and all other privileges, what options is the parent left with? The truth of the matter is that the child is running the show and is not afraid of his parents.
I help families with spirited children by having the parents recognize and celebrate the child's positive behaviors and reflect them back to the child, while giving no attention to the negative behaviors. Particularly intense kids who get all of our delicious, luscious attention when they are misbehaving and breaking rules so they rise to that expectation- why would they give that up?
We as parents, accidently energize the choices we do not want our children to make, by giving out $ 100 bills in the form of our attention, focus, and relationship. Energetically we hand out big bucks all the time. Children can feel clearly invisible when they are not breaking the rules and perceive the juicy connection when they do because the energy we give is often “upside down”.
By realizing that we are the gift being thought by our children, we can now decide how to give them our attention, energy, and relationship. We can either focus on the negative – the whining, name calling, temper tantrums, back-talking, and all of the other undesirable behaviors, or we can change our focus and energize the children for all of the non-rule breaking behaviors that they do every day.
Once the adult begins to celebrate the child's positive behaviors, the parent creates a juicier, more spiritual nutritious “time-in”. As the child feels “nourished” by the parent, he will begin use his intensity in more successful ways.
Parents and teachers need to make a child feel valued. This is accomplished by recognizing the child's positive choices and reflecting them back to the child in these moments to give the child a first-hand experience of success. Children do not always know what they are doing right- they need our help.
This technique is a remarkable way of showing your child that you notice and care about many aspects of their life … It is not only a way of feeding their emotional reserve, but of proving that they are not invisible. Indeed, many children feel that they are invisible unless they are either going to the trouble of acting out or doing something exceptionally well.
By noticing the child for his everyday good choices, the child begins to feel valued and has a sense of belonging, not for something fabulous that they accomplished, but just for being who he is in each moment. Once you begin to implement this approach and the child feels “seen” – the parent will see the behaviors in their home shift and the child will show up in their greatness!